Specifically, any one of the genus of Picoraviridae that knocked me out this weekend.
In short, I had a cold.
I have the worst colds because I suffer the shortest colds. For me, they’re the upper respiratory equivalent of ripping a Band-Aid off in a single yank. Or the baseball equivalent of turning a triple play.
Or the Perez equivalent of getting yanked mid-count.
I honestly have never seen that happen. To any pitcher. Granted, there wasn’t television available in the dorm rooms at Bennington College, so I missed a significant chunk of live Mets mediocrity. I had to settle for reading about it online. (Remember what the Mets website looked like in 2001? Neither do I.) But in my time of watching Mets baseball, I don’t recall a pitcher getting pulled out mid-count.
Hell, it’s to the point where I’ve been telling people not-in-the-baseball-know that you can’t take a pitcher out mid-count unless he’s injured. My God, was I wrong about that. Now I have to go back and tell people I’m a moron. They knew this already; still… embarrassing.
So now I’ve gotta find out when the last time was that such a thing happened. I will email various fine folks; I will scour the Intertubes. I may ask people at Two Boots tomorrow, if I’m not still hacking up a lung.
Which I don’t think I will be. Colds for me are done after a couple days; most I see suffering colds suffer them for a week or two. Not me. Something knocks me off my horse, I loll about in the dirt for a bit, I’m asked if I want some aspirin or cough suppressant and say no; I hallucinate in the middle of the night that Ron Livingston is going to blow me out into space; I sneeze like a maniac for four hours; I get right back on.
By the by, you may ask: why am I more interested in the history of pitchers removed mid-count than the eviscerating of Oliver Perez for his terrible performance? The answer: if this is indeed the rarity I think it is, I have him to thank for giving me a thumbnail answer to anyone’s assertion that he’s any sort of good.
Someone: “Oliver Perez is throwing some heat tonight.”
Me: “Three balls to Pedro Martinez after two three-run homers, and he was pulled mid-count.”
Someone: “Wow, that was amazing! You see Ollie get out of that jam?”
Me: “Three balls to Pedro Martinez after two three-run homers, and he was pulled mid-count.”
Someone: “Oliver Perez sure can climb into a car without hitting his head on the roof.”
Me: “Three balls to Pedro Martinez after two three-run homers, and he was pulled mid-count.”
The Mets have had some BAD players in their time. But this guy feels like he’s worse than New York Mets bad. I don’t know what that would be, but it’s out there.
Mets wrap it up in just about an hour against the Phillies. Bobby Parnell squares off against Cliff Lee, and I hear the Phillies are spotting the Mets four runs before the game even begins. Will not, I hear, affect Cliff Lee’s ERA.
Lest you think I’m a curmudgeon, know that I’ve watched this video at least a dozen times since yesterday. The best part is when Victorino throws up his hands.
Heh, heh, heh.
I like the analogies. That play just defines the Mets season this year.
http://metsmainman.mlblogs.com