I’ll keep this brief, because I don’t like the man.

And I think it’s okay to state that: I don’t like Oliver Perez.  No, I’ve not met him.  Frankly, I hope I never do.  It would be phenomenally awkward for me to meet someone who was so baldly ignorant of his inability to get better at his job, inhabiting the environment in which he then operated, that he refused to go elsewhere to get better.

What data did he have to support his belief that he could get better in the majors?  What about his study of the game of baseball made him think that the BEST thing for the team was to toss innings his way?  It’s as though he believed—shit, maybe STILL believes—that baseball is a game played in a vacuum.  A perpetual intrasquad game.

That baseball is not played in a vacuum makes his story still viable, after his release by the Mets today.  Until Oliver Perez announces his retirement from the game, he floats out there as a potential tomato can.  One who right-handers can see fit to bash with impunity if he ever sees action in another ML park.  The schadenfreude gift of the 2011 season is the laugh you’ll have if Oliver Perez is signed by a team to make a spot start or two.

Let’s not feel sorry for the man, please.  He leaves quite wealthy, and even if he’s been as careless with his money as he was with the admittedly meager fortunes of his team, it would only speak to his only consistent characteristics: ignorance and goldbricking.

Mr. Perez: your actions last year were an affront to logic.  And that I cannot abide.  The worst employees who still respect a smidge of logic would not earn this enmity.  You, however, are the guy who refuses to understand what a paper tray is, even after overstuffing it ‘til it jams the copier.  And then demands to make more copies, knowing that the machine’s busted.  Where do you get the nerve?

It is okay to dislike you without having met you.  Success in your business environment is predicated on wins and losses, and your actions showed a blatant disregard for that logic.  I fear your inability to apply basic rules carries over into our greater society, and that scares and offends me.  We’re trying to manage a society here, and it’s people like you, and line-cutters, and Tea Party activists that are fucking it up for the rest of us.

Being “released” was too soft.  You should’ve been fired.

Good riddance.

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