On March 30th, I wrote:

“I’m going to find the site bearing the most direct explanation of saber-style statistics I can, hoist a beer, and watch the Sox do whatever it is they call baseball.

Which is some horseshit, because they don’t even let the pitcher BAT.”

If you know me, you understand that a great deal of the writing that I do is for entertainment purposes only.

Still, it recently came to my attention that my joke was worded in such a way as to preclude the possibility of seeing and experiencing things that I would find fairly VERY mind-blowingly enjoyable.

I very much want to see and experience these things.

So: I retract and correct my statement.  Red Sox baseball is not horseshit.  The DH rule is wrong: all players should be on offense and defense.  And thus, that is horseshit.  But the rule is not the sole fault of the Red Sox if they voted for the DH (it was passed by AL teams in an 8-4 vote), and not their fault at all if they didn’t vote for it at all.  The fault lies with old Philadelphia A’s manager Connie Mack for thinking of it and with Charlie Finley of the Oakland A’s for being its latter-day champion.

Thus, “watch the Sox do whatever it is they call baseball” is a misleading provocative clause.  The Red Sox do play baseball, and as I recall they were playing against another, American League team, certainly poorer in history and charm, if not just in aptitude or ability. 

I also apologize for the poor grammar: “do whatever it is they call baseball?”  ::Chuckles nervously.:: Who talks like that?  People play baseball.  I’m a moron.

In short: it was wrong and short-sighted of me to present the Red Sox as a source of ridicule, especially at the beginning of the season, and especially on the matter of the DH, which is something they cannot control.  I am sorry.

Very, very sorry.

But in a suave, adult, and still-attractive way, and not a simpering, childish, begging way. 

Unless that would be appreciated.

In which case, I’m probably not above it.